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Breaking; The Collegiate Athletes’ Hall of Fame to Omit Lia Thomas’ Wins, Titles, and Records from Recognition

Disclaimer: The following text is a satirical piece intended for humor and entertainment. The actions, events, and quotes described are entirely fictional.

Former NCAA women’s swimmer and biological male Lia Thomas has reached the end of what may be the most controversial career in sports history.

The Collegiate Athletes’ Hall of Fame in South Newbury, Louisiana announced that Thomas would never be considered for induction.“The Hall won’t recognize any of the titles, medals, or records Thomas holds, many of which have been rescinded or vacated,” said Director Joe Barron, “therefore, Thomas will never qualify for a spot in these hallowed halls.”

The CAHOF has been the centerpiece of college sports since its inception in 1822. The main exhibit gets more than 30 million visitors a year, third behind the Rock and Roll and Pro Football Halls of Fame, respectively.Athletes inducted into the CAHOF are typically from less-popular sports, such as women’s swimming, golf, field hockey, lacrosse, softball, flag football, tennis, soccer, and most recently, pickleball. The men’s sports all have their own halls.

The announcement is good news for 5th-place tie winner Riley Gaines, who really needed something else to happen to keep her relevant since she’ll never qualify for anything ever again except for maybe a spot on OAN as the next Tomi Lahren.

Emma Weyent continued not giving a shit. God Bless America.

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