Breaking News; Whoopi Goldberg is set to depart from “The View.”

Disclaimer: This satirical text is purely fictional and intended for entertainment purposes only. It does not reflect the actual opinions, actions, or personal lives of Whoopi Goldberg or anyone else mentioned in the text. Please remember that satire is a form of humor and should not be taken as fact.

In a shocking twist, Whoopi Goldberg has decided to leave “The View,” and the show’s producers are scrambling to find a replacement who can bring the same level of, well, “Whoopi-ness” to the table.

Goldberg’s departure announcement sent shockwaves through the entertainment world. Rumor has it that she’s leaving to pursue a new career as a professional bingo caller in Las Vegas. “I’ve always had a passion for shouting out random numbers and letters,” Whoopi confessed in a recent interview. “It’s time to take my talent to the bingo hall.”

But her fellow co-hosts on “The View” are not convinced. Joy Behar speculated, “I think Whoopi is leaving to join a secret underground society of wisecracking aliens who want to bring laughter to the cosmos. It’s the only logical explanation.”

Meanwhile, Meghan McCain, known for her lively debates with Whoopi, expressed her disbelief. “Whoopi leaving? Well, I guess I’ll have to find someone else to argue with about politics,” she sighed. “Maybe I’ll take up arguing with the pigeons in Central Park. They can’t walk off set.”

As for the producers of “The View,” they’re searching far and wide for a suitable replacement. They’ve considered everyone from a talking parrot to a sentient coffee mug with a witty catchphrase. “We’re looking for someone who can fill Whoopi’s shoes, or at least find shoes that match her colorful personality,” said one producer.

In the end, Whoopi Goldberg’s departure from “The View” leaves us with more questions than answers. Is she really leaving for bingo fame, or is there a cosmic comedy club waiting for her in the stars? Only time will tell. Until then, we’ll just have to get our daily dose of laughter elsewhere – perhaps from those argumentative pigeons in Central Park.